5 years!

I just thought I would quickly write and share a little history about me.
When I was a kid I didn't fit in very well. I was made fun of a lot and had a lot of emotional problems. I never felt as if I were good enough, I was a loser, and I wasn't truly happy. I always wanted to fit into the "in" crowd. Most of the people in the "in" crowd never new I even existed. I was just there, a person walking around the halls of school taking up more space. I didn't do much with friends. I just didn't have a good self-esteem. What did I do to make myself feel better? I turned to boys. I found guys who would date me and I held onto them. I dated one guy almost the whole time I was in high school. It broke my heart when we broke up and I had even more emotional problems. This time I turned to something else. I started drinking then I started using drugs.
The first time I actually did anything was in the fifth grade. A few of the people I hung out with smoked weed, but I never actually tried the "hard" stuff until I graduated from high school. I started dating a guy who was into heroin and cocaine. I thought I was a strong enough person to stay away from it, but I wasn't. We moved in together and it wasn't long before I was using too.  Lets just say the drugs helped take away my pain, fear, loneliness, and sadness.
I was in deep, deeper than most who just start out. I was dating someone who used for years, he was a pro. I was an amateur who wanted to keep up and have my feelings taken away quickly so I didn't have regret. For almost 9 straight months nothing mattered to me except getting that next hit. I didn't care who I hurt, how I got the drugs, or even what happened to me.
My wake up call came when I got arrested. I was, luckily, let go with out any ding on my record, just a lesson learned. I was being stupid, selfish, and dangerous.
I called my parents and told them I was ready for help. They sent me to rehab within a month to get me the help I needed.
I will never forget the night I left home. My parents tried to get me to hurry so we could make check in on time. We left about 1pm and had to drive 4 hours. By the time I got there we weren't able to check in. We had to wait until morning. In the middle of the drive I woke up in pain. I got the hot and cold flashes, constantly moved, and felt like throwing up. It was miserable. The feelings I had that day and night were worse than any I have ever had during child birth. I was ready to end my life that night. I shared a hotel room with my parents. None of us slept.
The next morning we all got up, ate breakfast (except me I was too sick), and got ready to leave. It took another 45 minutes before we got to the center. I was so relieved! When I checked in I weight around 95-100 lbs. I looked sick! When I left the center 28 days later I had only gained about 6 or 7 lbs.
My parents moved me 4 hours away from home to a place I had never been before. It was hard! About four months after I left rehab I relapsed. It only happened one time, just enough to scare me into never wanting to do it again. I haven't! I have been clean since!
Five years later here I am, writing to share my experience in hopes that someone else will find my story helpful.
I could not have done it with out the help of my parents, siblings, amazing husband, in-laws, current friends, children, the gospel, and of course my Savior Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father.
I am so grateful for my life, the experiences I have had, and where I am now. I am so proud of myself for remaining sober for these five years and pray for many more to come!

I took this last week for my self. I wanted to take the time to think about the meaning of my life, where I have been, and where I am now. I have spent time with family, read my journal entries from rehab, and reflected what I have learned. I hope you will take some time to look back at your past and think about what you have learned from it! 

Please feel free to ask any questions! Please share this with someone who may benefit from it!

Thanks! Have a good week!